The Lion's Attack

The Lion Attack (Second draft)

W.A.L.T recall  events through the eyes of an animal.

Success Criteria

I know I will be successful when my recount has a:

• Title
• Orientation:  When? Who? Where? Why?Battle At Kruger National Park Sequence
• Sequence of events:  What happened? Describe using the senses (hear, taste, see, smell and feel).
• Personal Comment:  How did the events make you feel?

In red are my improvements.

Second draft

The Lion Attack

It was an awsome day to go hunting and the buffalo’s were migrating. It is a great day in december. It was a great day to be a lion.

It was like it was Christmas because we were getting a great meal. We can go get the calf I thought. I ran to get the biggest buffalo and the other lions got the calf. Yummm!

I saw  a buffalo when suddenly the herd came to a stop. The lead buffalo made a huge ferocious roar and told the herd to get back. I was a lion and I was just up ahead,  we were going for the calf. The calf made run for it but we got the calf and we tried to rip it apart. It just got harder to get our meal because their was also a Crocodile. It was tug of war and we(the lions) weren't winning. Eventually we tugged the calf away, eventually the crocodile swam away but I still had the calf in my jaws.

The lead bull came to save that calf. It had huge horns and they pushed me up in the air, I felt pain and I felt like I was flying for a few seconds. But I felt more pain than flight. I was so sad watching my pack of lions slowly weakening in pain. We were chased by the lead buffalo and we were deprived of our meal, because of that lead buffalo. It’s was more of a bull to me.

I felt like the most unlucky lion on Earth, like a storm flew over me. I think I have learn’t my lesson about hunting buffalo. I know a buffalo will attack if you attack the herd, so I am never attacking a herd of buffalo ever again.

The Lion Attack (First Draft)

W.A.L.T recall  events through the eyes of an animal.

Success Criteria

I know I will be successful when my recount has a

• Title
• Orientation:  When? Who? Where? Why?
• Sequence of events:  What happened? Describe using the senses (hear, taste, see, smell and feel).
• Personal Comment:  How did the events make you feel?

First draft

The Lion Attack

It was a lovely day to go hunting and the buffalo’s were migrating. It is a great day in December. It was a great day to be a lion.

It was like it was Christmas because we were getting a great meal. We can go get the calf I thought. I ran to get the biggest buffalo and the other lions got the calf. yummm!I saw  a buffalo when suddenly the herd came to a stop. The lead buffalo made a huge ferocious roar and told the herd to get back. I was a lion and I was just up ahead,  we were going for the calf. The calf made run for it but we got the calf and we tried to rip it apart. And it just got harder to get our meal because their was also a alligator. It was tug wars and we weren't  were winning but eventually we tugged the calf away from and alligators swam away but the lions still had me in their jaws. Some of the herd come to save that calf.They had huge horns and they pushed me up in the air, I felt pain and I felt like I was flying for a few seconds. But I felt more pain than flight. I was so sad watching my pack of lions slowly weakening in pain. We were chased by the lead buffalo and we were deserted of our meal because of that lead buffalo It’s was more of a bull to me.

I felt like the most unlucky lion on Earth, like a storm flew over me. I think I have learn’t my lesson about hunting buffalo. I know the buffalo will attack if you attack the herd, so I am never attacking a herd of buffalo again.